This is one life that I don't really want to live but I am living it right now.I just want to be able to see the world,go on these tours of some countries and maybe date different types of women but due to the lack of motivation and money on my part I am just not able to live this dream.I am like a whole lot of men in North America,they aren't able to get any women to date and marry.I don't know how I am going to be able to start a family or be in a long term relationship.Just a lot of confusing messages about foreign women and what they will do to North American and Western Men.Messages like wanting a green card to come to North America and then after getting the card wanting to leave the marriage or relationship with you and going after someone else.Another thing is wanting your money and then running.The younger ones especially wanting your money and then running.All these accusations about them from listening to Rick Scorpio on YouTube about that.I have also heard him talk about then just talkiing to you or them getting you to send money just so they can see their boyfriends or husbands who are already in the country.So there are a lot of things about them that I have to watch for.Which is probably why I should really just forget about them and start dating women in my area,which is kind of boring to me.But in the end I think it would be a wise choice for me because of spending my whole life here in North America,speaking the language and just becoming ingrained into the North American system.It would be very hard for me to adjust to the Latin American,Asian,African and Russian systems because of language and cultural barriers which have plagued my mind as of now.It will be even very difficult for me getting into the American system but not as much as the African one since America is very similar to Canada.But trying to fit into the African,Asian and Latin American would be difficult for me.But still it wouldn't hurt to travel and seeing those places and getting a woman too.I know that what I have said about foreign women are the truth,I still cannot help but get one since I am constantly thinking about them and their countries to go to.Like it's not just about getting women it's also about experiencing different cultures,traditions and customs that are different from North America.It keeps to have an open mind at times and to think outside the box too.Which is why I am all for traveling.

Anyway now that I am here on this site,what is there to do today?Well,I am going to get some exercise as usual this morning,then take my shower after coming from the store and then get ready to head off to work as usual.Like wow!Just a typical routine for me with no end in sight.Just work,work,work and not living a life of adventure and in a way freedom.This is how a whole lot of men are living right now.Just settling into a routine because it's basically all they know right now.Living a life of quiet existance it seems.

Man,it has been a couple of days and I am edging to get back to work.Sittle idle for four days is not benefitting me at all.I don't know what it is with the scheduling but it's just crazy to me.Everytime the people hire new people for the gas bar I am always getting my hours reduced to about 32 or less.That isn't going to pay my bills nor pay my rent for that matter.Now I looked in the Herald today and I couldn't find anything that I could do well.Like I am getting tired of living like this.I am tired of showing a lack of motivation which has really harmed my chances of living my life the way I want to live.

Anyway,I must sleep now since the medicine I am taking is starting to have an effect.  

Back once again for the early morning here and I am still not able to fall asleep as of yet.I was thinking about this piping course and maybe it was a waste of time in taking the course again since I am having trouble with it.Plus,I am not able to find a job with it but I figured that since it is a lot of money I would just finish it.Anyway,it was a pretty decent day at work and I am just glad that it's all over for tonight or this morning because I was just about to go crazy on some people.I was having a good night up until when this customer came in to the gas station all pissed off with the fact that he couldn't get his receipt from the pump after he got his gas.He told me that he has been to our station so many times not being able to get his receipt everytime he comes.Like being to our place so many times,didn't he know that our printers were not working everytime he came? Our printers have been like that all this time and he is upset about that.I don't know about some people and to why they get upset over the smallest things like a piece of paper not coming out.Like that's really all a receipt is,a piece of paper and he is raising his blood pressure and mine too since he escalated or projected his anger on me which was not fair.But understanding that he had a bad day and was stressed out about something,he had every right in his mind to be angry and frustrated.

Good morning to you all.There is something that I have to get off my chest since it has been bothering me all morning so here it is.It has to do with this obsession I have of becoming a celebrity in the media and the lack of focus it is causing me with my studies.I admit,I want to be famous and I know that all of you reading this or who is reading this want to be famous as well.But I think that there is a time when a person has to give up these so called pipe dreams.What I mean is that trying to achieve success through instant fame either by trying to become an actor,singer,rapper or pro athlete.They have to give up these dreams and pursue something which will make them real more or makes economic sense.And I think this is causing me to neglect my studies since I am on the Internet a whole lot writing blog posts and having these angry feelings when nobody pays attention to them or even aknowledges them.It is just better for a man or woman to just give up these dreams of fame and just learn a skill which will benefit not only them but the world as a whole.Like there is nothing wrong with achieving these dreams while you are young,like say in your late teens or early twenties.But when you are in your late twenties,thirties or even fourties then it is time to give up becoming a famous person let alone an entertainer and just focus on becoming either a doctor,lawyer,accountant,engineer or even a business executive because you and myself are just wasting time.So I think that is what I am going to push myself to do.Just forget about becoming famous on the Internet and just focus on my studies or at least try to.No,I won't try to.I will just do it.

Better yet,instead of becoming a writer  working for some publisher who publishes my books I would just buy the publishing house and publish peoples books or go into self publishing.That was what I tried to convince my sister and her husband to do but they thought it was a bad idea.So I left it at that.Now even though my sister won a book award with a lot of money,the money is still not much if you really get down to it with the math because the money she makes from the book she sells,the majority of it goes to the publisher or publishing house and she is basically left with making peanuts.Like she won about $50,000 in prize money but it took her 7  years to write this bestseller.So in a sense,she only got paid about $8000 a year.Even I made more money than her working at the gas bar.So if I write a book then I would get it self published or give my fans my book after they give me some donations for the book that I am about to release or sell in the bookstores.If you think about it,$50,000Cdn isn't a whole lot of money because of the time and labor that was involved in writing the book.

Here we are almost in the new year and I am still not over the fact that I was sent to a vocational school which had a lot of low academic expectations.I have tried for many years trying to get over that but still it has come back to haunt me.I didn't realize that Shaughnessy was a school for problem kids who had no intention of succeeding in the mainstream of society.I thought that you could just get a job or develop a career with a secondary diploma but I guess I was wrong because speaking to my coworker a couple of weeks ago,he told that his friend went to that school and when he finished he was unable to find any job with that diploma.So now he isn't working.All he is doing is just looking after his kids while his wife works but he said he plans to upgrade.Well,I hope he does because it's pretty hard to find any sort of good job without some sort of education.Plus I am having to think that his wife must be pretty tired of him staying home most of the time.I would have been in the same boat if I haven't gone to a regular high school but I had to settle for general courses and not advanced but that's life I guess.The only good thing about Shaughnessy were the shop classes and that was about it.As far as academics,it was pretty easy and slack.

I am also not over the fact that I was picked on and made fun of at that school for reasons unknown.I wish I can confront this guy who constantly made fun of me.It really hurt inside.And the worst thing about all this was that one of the teachers laughed at me when he did that and that was kind of insulting in a way.Some of the teachers weren't very helpful but hey,I found a way to shake it off.

Enough of that because these were things that happend long ago and I am already having to face the trials of adulthood especially middle age adulthood with this job at the gas bar that I should have left long ago but still working there for small wage.It's a pity because tonight I am having to endure a stressful shift which I am having to just deal with these last minute customers who procrastinate til the very last minute when I am ready to close to get gas and some tobacco product and end up getting angry when we are about to close.I hate customers like that and I also hate the shift I am working tonight right to about the New Year.I would have prefered to work in the morning.Then having the afternoon and evening to myself but no,I have to work until closing time which will be very stressful for me.I keep imagining a customer coming in at the last minute holding me up at gunpoint to keep open while I am trying to close up at 6pm.I am not saying that this will happen but you never know.Most customers can be very unpredictable and scary.